How to write an obituary

Gather the facts first

Most obituary mistakes are factual, such as a misspelled grandchild or the wrong service time. Collect everything before you write a sentence, and ask a second relative to check the family names.

If two relatives remember a date differently, check a document such as a marriage certificate or a family Bible before it goes to print.

The examples below follow one fictional woman, Carol Ann Pruitt, through each step, so you can see how the parts fit together.

Step 1: Write the announcement

The first sentence carries the facts people search for: full name, age, town and date of death. Add where they died or who was with them if the family wants to. Many readers stop after this sentence, so make it complete on its own.

“Died” is clear and always correct. “Passed away” and “went home to be with the Lord” are fine too if they fit the family’s voice. Pick one and use it once; don’t stack phrases.

Step 2: Tell the life story

Start with where they were born and raised, then cover the parts of their life that mattered most to them, such as work, marriage, service, faith or how they spent their free time.

You don’t need every job or every address. Choose three or four things and give a specific detail for each. Instead of “She was generous”, write what she did: “She kept a drawer of birthday cards so no one on her list got missed.”

If you are stuck, ask three people for one story each. You will usually hear the same habit described three ways, and that is the line to use. For more ideas on tone, read a few obituary examples before you write.

Step 3: List the family

The survivors list is the part relatives read most carefully, so take your time with it. The usual order is spouse or partner, then children, then grandchildren and great-grandchildren, then parents and siblings, then nieces, nephews and close friends.

A few conventions help:

• A child’s spouse often goes in parentheses after the child’s name, or with “and her husband”. Pick one style and use it for everyone.
• For many grandchildren, a number is fine (“eleven grandchildren”). If you name some, name them all.
• In a blended family, list stepchildren with the other children, or say “whom she raised as her own”. Use the words the family uses.
• A long-term partner belongs in the list by name, whether or not they married.
• For someone without children, nieces, nephews, godchildren and close friends often take that place.
• “Preceded in death by” covers close family who died earlier, usually parents, a spouse, siblings or a child.

Read the list aloud to someone in the family before it goes out, since a missing name is the mistake people remember longest.

Step 4: Add the service details

Give the day, date, time and place of each event the public is invited to: visitation, funeral or memorial service, burial, and reception. Copy the details from the funeral home rather than from memory. If the service is private or will be held later, say so, so people don’t go looking.

Other ways to word it: “Services will be private.” “A memorial service will be held in the spring; details will be shared on the funeral home’s website.” “Burial will take place at a later date.”

Step 5: Close with donations and thanks

The closing tells readers how to help. If the family prefers donations to flowers, name one or two causes that meant something to the person. A line of thanks to hospice staff, nurses or neighbors is common, and the people you thank often read it.

Some families end with a short verse or a favorite saying. Keep it to a line or two in a newspaper; a full poem fits better in the funeral program.

Step 6: Cut it to length and check every fact

Now read the whole obituary aloud. Cut repeated phrases, check that every name is spelled the same way each time, and confirm that each weekday matches its date. Then have one other person read it, ideally someone who wasn’t involved in writing it.

If it is going in a newspaper, you may need a shorter version. Keep the announcement, one line of life story, the closest family and the service details, and point readers to the full obituary online.

What not to include

An obituary is public and stays online for years, so leave out anything a stranger could misuse.

• The home address. Burglars read obituaries, and the house is often empty during the service. Name the town only. If you are worried, ask a neighbor or friend to stay at the house during the funeral.
• The exact date of birth. A full birth date, birthplace and parents’ names together give identity thieves most of what they need. The birth year, or just the age, is enough.
• The cause of death, if the family wants it private. “After a short illness” or “unexpectedly” is enough, and leaving it out entirely is normal.
• Phone numbers and personal email addresses. Point people to the funeral home for questions instead.
• Family disagreements. Leaving someone out on purpose, or naming who wasn’t there, usually causes more hurt. If a relationship is complicated, list the person in the usual way and leave it there.
• Anything you haven’t checked. If you aren’t sure of a name, a date or a military rank, confirm it or leave it out.

Newspaper vs online: length and cost

Where the obituary runs decides how long it can be.

Newspapers usually treat an obituary as a paid notice, written by the family and priced by length. Papers typically charge by the line or by the column inch, and a photo often adds a fee. A notice of 150 to 300 words with a photo often costs a few hundred dollars, and it can cost more in big-city papers, on Sundays, or when it runs for several days. Some papers also offer a shorter, cheaper death notice with only the basic facts.

To keep the cost down, ask for a price quote and a proof before it runs. Print a short version, like the one in step 6, and put the full obituary online. If the person lived in more than one place, a short notice in their hometown paper reaches people who would otherwise miss the news.

Online, length is rarely a limit. Most funeral homes post the obituary on their website as part of their services, and those pages usually allow photos, the full life story and a guest book for messages. This is where the 300 to 600 word version belongs.

In the funeral program, the obituary usually fills one inside page, about 150 to 300 words, alongside the order of service. You can start from the same text and trim it to fit.

The finished obituary

Here is Carol’s obituary with all six steps put together. It is long enough for a funeral home website or a program page.

To write yours section by section, use the fill-in-the-blank obituary template, or start from the obituary template. If you are also giving the eulogy, how to write a eulogy covers the spoken version.